Goodbye

Last seen 21/5/2016. Super last seen 30/31/5/2016.
Next seen? Never.

Had one last hug.

Hung out as a bunch of friends just playing games and watching horror movies.
Watched VHS2 and Session 9. Dead or alive zombie-ish movie is still notable, I'd watch it again some other time, the level of gore is just too disturbing to pass over. Watched it on 21st yet already feel like rewatching it.

I'm giving up on DOOM, it's not worth it to see him and be even slightly affected. I can purchase my own DOOM come summer sales perhaps.

I really wonder why he affects me so much. When we are all curled up in bed (a bunch of us) watching the movie it's just so comfortable. And I want to snuggle.

"I am my own woman."

I can live without this. Definitely.

I thought I was okay. Since I didn't cry since 27. Well apparently not. Little trickle of tears on my way home yesterday. Had a little jabs and jibes in but I'm afraid it wasn't enough to be of any pain to him. Little words disguised as tease but chock full of daggers. At least I hoped it was.

What would you do if one does not want you emotionally or physically but merely wants the enjoyment of companionship, flirting and the thrill? 

You walk the fuck away.




I AM WALKING THE FUCK AWAY.
WALKING THE FUCK AWAY.
THE FUCK AWAY.
FUCK AWAY.
AWAY.

And from now on I tell myself, I will deny it even if I like someone. I'm done. If i don't like someone, I won't lead them on, but if I do, I'll keep to myself. The way I am is that if I like that person, it's green lights all the way, I'm told I'm too easy (not by the very same person or else I would have killed him already). And you know what? I probably bloody am, but that's only because I'm straightforward what. If like, then like la, if don't, then don't la.

But apparently it's not enough for ye male counterparts so I shall hold myself back despite liking the person. So I'm not exactly playing mind games or hard to get. I'm just giving up.